I've given up on my food diary again! Ok well -

I think I mentioned a while back that I made up a template for a daily food/exercise/health diary booklet. I printed out the templates, stapled them together into a booklet, and took it with me to work and home. I filled it in faithfully for about a month. It worked pretty well. It was handy for work, portable and easy to fill in. However, as with all my previous food diaries, there was only one issue - the act of filling it in and recording everything didn't actually change what I ate! What purpose is a food diary for? How is it supposed to work? Is it supposed to make you aware of what you're eating? And by extension, change what you eat? Is it supposed to make you too ashamed to eat anything unhealthy because you'd have to admit it by recording it for all posterity?

Well, none of that worked for me. I ate and then wrote down chocolates, lollies, cakes, big chunks of rocky road; all without thinking about it for even one second. I did faithfully write them all down, but I didn't think at all about differentiating between different types of foods (i.e. foods that it's OK to eat a lot vs. foods that I should only be eating occasionally, if at all). It was all just the same.

So the only conclusion I can come to is that keeping a food diary is a waste of time for me. It doesn't have the desired effect. So that's it! I'm not gonna do it anymore!
However, there's just one little niggling thing with that. When I do eat healthy foods, I want to acknowledge it. Feel good about it and reward myself (not with more food though! eheheh). I don't know why, but I just thought I should call them 'Foods that Support my Long-Term Happiness'. That has an element of mindfulness to it that I think I really need. I could post them on the blog. But I don't want it to become an interminably boring roster of my most base, mundane daily habits. Although I'm sure it's already quite dull. (Sorry, I don't know why my writing is so melodramatic at the moment!)

So anyway, enough blathering on. I ate the following Foods that Supported my Long-Term Happiness yesterday: natural yoghurt with fresh paw paw for breakfast, carrot sticks for morning tea; green coffee with lunch; a banana for afternoon tea.
Healthy Behaviours: I didn't eat the chocolate! Day 2 of not eating the chocolate. Did a toning workout in the evening while waiting for dinner to cook (admittedly it was pretty short, but definitely a good step forwards).
And today (so far): whole wheat cereal with fresh paw paw for breakfast. Carrot sticks for morning tea. Though they tend to give me a stomach ache, so I might have to re-think.

Meanwhile...

This morning I wasn't feeling so good as I did yesterday. Not much energy, feeling a bit blah. Hump day. Still, things aren't so bad, because I can successfully cheer myself up by telling myself that things aren't so bad.
I really want to buy something. I'm on a spending ban this month. Husband and I need to save money at the moment. I've been pretty good too, I think. I only bought a scarf to replace my favourite one that I lost, and 2 tops from the same site which were on sale. Also, 2 books from the book depository during their 24-hour sale, which were under $5 each. Actually, the sale was quite fun: on their homepage they put up one book per hour which was insanely cheap. Most of them sold out pretty quick, so they put up back-up books until the next hour started. Of course, many of them were ones I wasn't interested in, but I'm surprised I managed to hold back and only get 2. Unfortunately I only found out about the sale when it was nearly over, probably a good thing, really! The books haven't arrived yet. Now I'm really, really tempted to go to the "all books $5 shop" near my work at lunch time. It's had a 'closing down sale' sign on it for the last couple of weeks. One part of me says 'wait til next week, then it'll be July and your spending ban will be officially over'. Another part of me says, 'you should go this week, today! It might close down any day now, and it's end of financial year, it probably won't be open next week and you'll miss out! Not only that, but you have to go today, because you're too busy the rest of the week! So it has to be today!'.
Dilemmas!

Food Diary

Just a quick update on how my new app CountEat is going.
Well!
I've already been able to pinpoint some problem areas and figure out what to do about it. Namely - the dessert area! On the weekend, Boy and I went to a new (to us) Middle Eastern supermarket and spent up big on many things, including some sweet treats. We've been having some for dessert every night this week. How easy it is to drop out of a new habit if it isn't well-established yet!
Need to get cracking and re-instate the no/small dessert habit before I lose motivation completely. Yes.....

Food Diary

After weeks of searching, I think I've found a food diary app that suits me. It's certainly different from any other I've seen. It's called CountEat.
The thing I've always hated about food diaries is that you have to break down and analyse every single food you eat - 1 tsp margarine, 2 slices bread, what type of bread, how much did it weigh, etc. etc. Spending ages each day, entering it all in: I spend too much time thinking about food as it is. Boring, boring, boring! Stressing, depressing and not to mention annoying!

With this app, you look at the whole meal instead of breaking it down into individual ingredients. Foods are divided into 5 Categories, depending on how many calories they have overall. There are lots of example foods for each category, so it's easy to decide which one my meal falls into. Of course, it works best when I'm honest with myself - and I think I am (most of the time!). The app calculates the average amount of calories in the meal and tells you an estimate of the total you ate for the day. A slider shows my healthy eating range and whether I ate 'too much', 'a healthy amount', or even 'not enough'.
The app won't tell you any exact amounts, only an estimate. But an estimate, a guide, is all I've ever really wanted. Just so I know how I'm going and where I might need to improve. I've only been using it for a few days, but it's really working for me. So this is good.

Now I just need one that tracks my exercise. Still working on that one.

Right, that's It!

I mentioned last week that I was having problems with keeping my food & exercise diary and was looking for some kind of solution. The one I came up with was to make up a customised notebook and carry it around with me to record everything (I guess a more formalised version of what I've been doing the last few weeks).

Well, I can't be bothered doing even that! I'm just over the whole thing!

Yeah, I know! Losing weight isn't supposed to be easy. It takes years and lots of patience and work. Yet at the same time, the changes you're supposed to make to your lifestyle in order for them to become permanent need to be streamlined and appealing, or else they won't stick. I'm so confused!

What I'd really like is for eating healthy to become a habit. Then I don't even have to think about it. It's the fashion at the moment for people to say: if you do something every day for 3 weeks, then it becomes a habit. I read recently an addition to that: that you need to do something continuously for 6 months for it to truly become a lifestyle change. I've been drinking a bottle of water every day for long enough to become a lifestyle change, and now it seems natural to me.

In my experience though, it's more than that. It has to be something you enjoy doing, or at the very least, the benefits outweigh the pain-in-the-arse factor. I went to the gym 4 times a week for 9 months. Long enough for it to be a lifestyle change. But then I realised that I was no longer enjoying it, so I stopped. The novelty had worn off and I was over it. So you see, there needs to be more.
I'm still thinking about it!

In related news, the preliminary results of my little elimination diet experiment are back - I felt sick on Saturday morning after I'd had 2 glasses of wine the night before. Having eaten exactly the same meal on Saturday night, but no alcohol, on Sunday morning I felt perfectly fine. Aside, of course, from the sinking feeling that I may need to give up the pleasant pasttime and grand tradition of drinking wine! But you know what they say about experiments - they need to be repeatable. So I will just have to try it again a few times before I can be sure. ;)

A New Chapter, Chapter 2

Just a quick update on me, right now. My new job is going very well so far. I'm busy, busy, busy, learning new things, getting to know my colleagues better, etc. Overall, it's a positive experience so far, and I'm feeling really good about everything.
Food-wise, right from the start I've been able to have the healthy diet that I did before at work. The only difference is that I've been too busy to have afternoon tea at work, and been really hungry when I get home. They don't have free milo like they did at my old work, so if I start to get cravings and want to have a mug of milo, I'll have to make sure I have some of my own on hand. I haven't had this issue so far, though.
I can't update my food/exercise diary at work now, like I was able to before. I would also record any colitis symptoms as they came up, etc. (I also have spreadsheets for my budget, etc that I'd update at work too.) So I'll need to make some changes around how to record everything so I don't forget. At the moment I have a notebook that I have on my desk that I note things down really quickly in. Then when I get home at night I update my spreadsheet. I'll just have to see if that's workable in the long term or if it'll get too annoying.
Exercise-wise, I have to admit it's been a no-go so far. I've been too tired and too focussed on getting my work routine down. I'm aware of that though, so I made sure to exercise last weekend when I had the time/energy. I'm hoping that in the next few weeks as I get more used to the job, I'll be less tired. Then I can start adding in exercise again during the week.

Start as you mean to .... Something ....

So, one week into 2012, and where are we? Sitting at the computer writing this post!

I just took my blood pressure and it's a little higher than last week. Things are coming along slowly. I had a big surprise earlier in the week. A big change may be coming happening to me very soon. I don't want to say what it is, in case it doesn't happen. It is, however, causing me a lot of pondering and a bit of stress. If this change happens, it will involve many good things. But I'll also lose some things which are very important to me. So I'm in two minds about it, and I can't help wondering if I really welcome it or not.
Anyway, if it happens, I'll tell everyone immediately! If it doesn't happen, then forget you ever read the above paragraph!

In Related News ....

My mind is elsewhere at the moment. I've been thinking so much about what I want from the whole of 2012, I've been a little neglectful of what I'm doing day-by-day. Add to that the uncertainties I'm having at the moment, and I'm all over the shop. My food and health tracker shows all sorts of crazy stuff.
I felt a bit sick yesterday morning, so I had a cup of green tea about mid-morning. This sparked off an unexpected and intense craving for Japanese food! So Boy and I went to the Japanese supermarket after work (they're open til 8pm on Fridays, bless 'em!). We had shabu shabu for dinner. I love it! The thinly sliced lean meat, vegetable, soup and just a little rice or noodles is healthy, fun to cook and so yummy! Here's a picture, not of our meal, but one I borrowed from the intertubes to illustrate:



(Though the water has flavourings in it normally, so it looks more soupy.)

Now I'm off to finish dyeing my hair and choose an outfit for the birthday party I'm going to tonight!
xx

BLAP!

Yesterday I was reading back through some of my old posts and re-discovered the BLAP (Body Love Action Plan). I laughed, but I also remembered how it was helping me. But most of these things seem to slip away before they become a habit. I want that to change. I want change!

Whoa, what's come over me?

Perhaps it's just that time of year. I haven't consciously thought about the changeover from 2011 to 2012, but I usually make some kind of commitment to change. Perhaps deep down inside somewhere, my unconscious has realised what time of year it is, and is getting into the usual mindset. Or perhaps it's the travel. Whenever I come back from travelling, I always seem to have developed a different perspective on things. I'm surprised, but I do seem to. I was only away for 10 days, and I 'only' went to a country with very similar culture and same language. But it seems that was enough to get me away from my own life - from the everyday - and to jolt me into thinking differently about things. Seeing what other places are like, how other people live ... it just makes me think.
Anyway, enough airy-fairy stuff.

On The Other Hand ...

What a week! Only a few days til Christmas and I've bought hardly any presents, so much to do! I'm even more exhausted than normal, just the thought of exercise makes me want to cry. Even if I had any time for it. And I'm so focussed on all the things I have to do and worried that I might forget something (even though I write to-do lists) that I haven't thought about what I'm eating very much.

Enough whingeing, more doing stuff! A quick look at my food and exercise diary for last week was enough to send me into a tailspin. I scored an average of 50%. Terrible! So how can I improve this week? What's under my control that I can change?
1. be more mindful of what I'm eating, especially at night.
2. keep drinking plenty of water.
3. don't stress out!
That's about as much as I can handle at the moment without freaking out. So we'll see how I go!

Writing It Down

Well, hello! It's been a little while. I've been too busy to write. Too busy to exercise, too busy to pay attention to what I'm eating. Every time I think, right, the stress is over, I can stop worrying and get on with things, something else stressful appears that I have to deal with. Paying bills, chairing a meeting at work, having to have medical tests that I can't afford to take time off work for, etc etc! Still, there are things that make me happy - like watching My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, and my new Hug Buddy, a stuffed unicorn that I named Wanda. (I'll see if I can post photos next time.) Sometimes a girl just needs to hug something, you know? How much happiness $12 worth of cheap fluffy materials can bring!

In Other News ...

Food. I haven't been paying enough attention lately. On Tuesday I scored 35% on my food and exercise tracker. That's insanely bad! Mind you, it was a public holiday and I went to a barbeque where the only salads were potato ones. Is that a good enough excuse?
I get so conflicted. Part of me thinks - you shouldn't have eaten all that unhealthy food. You should be mindful all the time! Keep your eyes on the prize, all the time! The other part of me thinks - it's a party, have fun! One day won't hurt! Stop worrying and stressing all the time, no wonder you're always unhappy.
No wonder I'm always so confused, more like!

Speaking of food, I'm not sure I like the breakfast cereal I've been eating lately. It's got bits of fibre and almond and macadamia clusters or something. It tastes all right (though not very sweet without any fruit in it). But I've noticed I always feel bloated afterwards, and yet I still get hungry well before morning tea time. This morning I was already thinking about my beetroot dip and celery sticks at 9.30! Perhaps next week I'll try porridge with canned fruit instead.

Meanwhile ...

I must be pretty desperate lately, because last night at the chemist I spent almost $30 on a Quick Trim cleansing drink, endorsed by a certain celebrity famous for doing not much but being hot and having a large booty. You mix 60ml into a glass of water, drink 4 times a day. Then you too, can have a large booty.
Then, for the duration, you're supposed to only eat fruit and vegetables, soup and jelly. Avoid sugar and protein. That's probably going to have more effect on your weight loss than the drink, I reckon! The main ingredient lemon juice, so the drink has a semi-sweet lemony taste. The other main ingredient is aloe vera, which is interesting. I've actually been told to drink it before, as it's soothing to the digestive system. It's also got kombu kelp and a few other herbal things which I don't have time to look up now. So if it works, great! If it doesn't, well, I've bought a very expensive water flavouring. haha!

Seriously, I don't know why I do things like that. Earlier that evening, I'd been writing in my journal. I use my journal to write things that're too private even for here. I haven't written for months (literally), but I bought myself a few mini fountain pen as a treat and wanted to test it out. I ended up writing and writing. Just as I was starting to get down to the nitty gritty, the really painful stuff that I often don't even admit to myself, Boy got home from work! I was deep in a flow of writing, of experiencing thoughts I usually don't acknowledge, of letting them out - and it was a real jerk back into reality to have the bright light switched on and suddenly noise where there was silence. It took me a little while to find my way back to normality. I abandoned my writing mid-sentence. I had to let the thoughts go. Was I on the verge of a break-through? I don't know. But I felt very sad at having to let it go. I also felt very guilty, because of course I was glad to see Boy and welcome him home. I was selfish to wish for more time alone. He kept asking me what was wrong, why I looked sad, and I didn't want to tell him. I barely even knew how to express it to myself, let alone express it to someone else. In the end, I just said that it was the same old thing that I always whinge about. And it really was, actually!

Some Thoughts

Not feeling very chatty lately, but I thought I'd just post a quick update anyway. Things have been like a whirlwind lately, I don't know if I'm coming or going. I feel like I have so much to do, and I'm scared I won't get it all done on time. Or that something will go horribly wrong. Was too busy cleaning on the weekend to pay any attention to what I was eating. So the only times I got a green tick was when I skipped meals. That bumped my score up each day from 'pathetic' to 'quite sad', but still it's not the best way of increasing my daily score. I just don't have time to worry about it too much at the moment though. There are too many other things to worry about! If there was a world championship for worrying, I'd probably be in the top ten in the world, I reckon! This time next week though, one of the biggest stresses will be done with, and I can start concentrating on myself and my journey again. Boy and I are planning a holiday in a couple of months, so at least that's something to look forward to!

Meanwhile ...

I wrote the following this morning. I wasn't sure if I was going to post it. This writing is much more personal than I'm used to. But then I decided to share it, in the hopes that it would help in some way. Perhaps I'll write more in more detail about my past at a later time.

Lately I've been looking around for blogs, books and other resources on positive body image, etc. I'm the kind of person that, any problem I have, I try to solve it by finding out more about it. Anyway, naturally quite a lot of the resources talk about eating disorders. I've been aware of them for a long time. In school we were warned about them. I remember being given a book about a girl that had anorexia. I still remember the story - she wanted to be a ballerina, but the pressure to be thin was so bad that she stopped eating and nearly died. I knew I would make sure never be like that. I liked food way too much for that! Somehow, I never realised that things could go the opposite way, too. Or, if I did, I was too young and didn't love myself enough to care. Socially awkward, painfully shy, books and food were my only constant friends. In high school, I went to some lengths to be able to eat in private, so I didn't have to feel ashamed. Then later, when I moved out of home and lived in my own room at Uni, I was free to eat whatever I liked, whenever I liked. When I was hungry, when I was lonely, when I was bored, when I was heartbroken, when I was stressed about a deadline. But it was OK because I didn't have anorexia or bulimia ... right? I knew that I ate whenever I was unhappy, lonely or stressed, but I thought everyone did it. Or drank, or did whatever to cope. One day I saw a poster up at Uni for a body image workshop being run by a PhD student. The types of women they were looking for included those who overeat. I can't remember why, but I decided to go. Was it mere curiosity? Was it because I wanted to meet other people like me? Was it because I finally realised that something was wrong with me? In any case, I'm very glad that I went to the sessions. I got to meet 4 amazing women and hear their stories. I felt like one of them, like we were all in it together, struggling with these issues. I wasn't alone. I was very sad when the sessions ended. I did a lot of thinking at that time.

Now, the material I've been reading has started me thinking again. ...
Are the issues that I've had and am having actually an eating disorder? Did I have one? Do I still have one? Am I 'recovering' (as the material terms it)? If I do have one, how bad is it? Can I get help? Do I need help?
More importantly though ... Would it help me or hinder me if I apply this label to myself? Would it change the way I feel about myself and my body? Would I feel freer, or more trapped? In purely practical terms, would it stop my cravings? Would it help me achieve my goals of becoming fitter and healthier?

I don't know the answers to these questions. These are just some thoughts that I'm having right now.

Weekly Wrapup

Wrapup of 1st week of August:

Got an average of 70% on my Tracker.
Full exercise days: 3. Half exercise days: 2.
Things I did well on: meals during the day; resisting after-lunch cravings; creative activities; Colitis low (except on the weekend).
Things I could improve on: drinking enough water; more and varied exercise; eating enough vegetables; healthier or no dessert; my focus (doing relaxation every day).

I didn't do formal relaxation even once last week. I still have a strong feeling, which I'm having trouble getting rid of, that it's a waste of time. I also have a strong feeling that it'll be really good for me, body and mind. Perhaps I should concentrate on things that're more concrete at the moment though - I'm better at those. I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today, so I'm tempted to pick something easy for this week's focus. I feel thirsty right now, so how about - drink 2 bottles of water per day (1 litre bottles). I have one and work and one at home, so it'll be easy to fill and drink one each, every day.

In Other News ...

Yesterday at brunch, B told me I should wear leather. That I have the attitude for it. That gave me a self-esteem boost! I was wearing my skinny jeans and they make me feel pretty good. Perhaps I'll wear them to N and P's wedding!! Rather than spending all this time stressing on an outfit - the type of thing I've never worn before, and I'm not sure I have the skills to make. Perhaps I should just wear something that I wear all the time and I know I'm comfy in. Makes sense, when you think about it!

This post was transferred from calorieking.com.au

Too Much

The last 4 days have been too stressful, so I haven't kept my food & exercise diary. I'm starting again today, though I'm not going to worry too much whether I exercise for the rest of this week. I want to, but don't at the same time, if that makes sense. It feels disrespectful to get back into my routine straight away, but at the same time, it feels more important than ever to look after myself and keep healthy. I just can't focus right now.

I have stomach cramps at the moment. Hopefully I'll feel better after work and I can go for a walk.

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Monday Thoughts

The start of another week! Think I did really well with last week's focus, on staying in the moment and not stressing. Every time I started to think about the things that are stressing me out right now, I took a deep breath and told myself, there's nothing you can do about it right now. Enjoy what you're doing right now and put your focus on that. It seemed to work most of the time. It got easier the more I did it. Except for a couple of times when I wasn't even thinking about anything and my heart started pounding anyway and it wouldn't stop no matter what I did. Dunno what's going on there!

This week again I had trouble choosing what to focus on. Some of them I wasn't sure if I could do for a whole week. But I've done well so far, haven't I? I'm really bad at going to bed at the proper time, so this week I've decided I'll go to bed at 9.30 every night. I normally sit up and read for up to half an hour, so that makes 10pm. I don't know if I can do this every night!

Looking back at my tracker for last week, I did better on the weekend than I have before. It's because I was more motivated to exercise, and did something both days. Yay for me! I also had a lot more veges than normal on Sat because I had a healthy lunch. Double yay for me! Bought a pizza stone the weekend before, and been pretty obsessed with making pizza ever since. The stone makes it soooo good. But Boy and I make pizzas differently to how we used to - we make sure to add at least 2-3 different types of veges, and just a sprinkling of cheese on top. So they're kinda semi-healthy.


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The Good and the Bad

Been doing pretty good at the zen/not worrying thing so far this week. But now I look at my tracker and see I've eaten hardly any fruit and veges! (esp. fruit) And I didn't have time to exercise on Mon and Tues, which are the 2 days I'm normally most likely to exercise. Agh, it's a balance, and it never seems to be quite right. I guess it needs constant attention.

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Last Week

Another crazy weekend! I told myself I was going to pay a bit more attention to what I'm doing on the weekend, but it just passed by in a whirlwind. On Saturday I got 30%, and Sun 20%. Terrible! Every single meal was unhealthy, and a few times I only got a score at all because I didn't eat anything. Which is bad, too. Although, I think it's funny that I got a higher score on Saturday when I spent the whole day and evening out doing things, than on Sunday when I had a free day. Weird.

Anyway. Last week's focus was on combating cravings. And I think I did excellently! The only slip-up I had (if you can even call it that) was on Thursday when I had a vege-burger (home-made) instead of the roasted soybeans. But I'm calling that a win - the amount of time I spent wandering around the supermarket, agonising over every little thing, and I ended up choosing vege-burgers. I think I deserve credit for that! As for it turning into a habit, well, tonight I had some soybeans but also some chips. Was very stressed and have my Special Lady Pouty Time - what can I say?

I had a little trouble deciding on this week's Focus. Was very tired and had a busy morning, so I didn't really have the time or the energy to think about it. Then I was having lunch with a couple of friends, and one of them said that I shouldn't dwell on things. So there was my inspiration. My Focus this week is not to worry, not to dwell on things, live in the moment, be zen, however you want to put it. It's appropriate right now, I've got a few things going on that're a bit stressful, applying for jobs not the least of them. That always stresses me out, bigtime. So whenever I catch myself worrying about something, stressing about something I have/haven't done, dreading something that may/may not happen, I just bring myself back to the present. It'll be harder than last week's focus, because it's something I'll need to remember to do all day, every day. But I've been feeling less stressed already, and it's only day one. So yay!

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Statistics Time

I'm a statistics nerd, so I thought I'd do a bit of a statistical overview of my tracker last week. So:

* I ate my pre-breakfast boiled egg 5 days out of 7.
* I ate healthy breakfast 5 days out of 7.
* I ate healthy morning tea 6 days out of 7. (2 days I didn't have any at all; I count that as healthy. And if it weren't for the Greatest Morning Tea on Weds, I would have gotten 100%!)
* I ate healthy lunch 4 days out of 7.
* I ate healthy afternoon tea 3 days out of 7. (And even one of those was doubtful.)
* I ate healthy dinner 5 days out of 7.
* I ate healthy dessert 0 days out of 7. (oops; my biggest downfall!)
* I exercised 4 days out of 7. (all 4 days were walking - so much for my plan to do more diverse activities this week!)
* I did a relaxing/creative/pampering activity 6 days out of 7. (computer games don't count! )
* My average score over the whole week was 65%.

That's pretty much confirmed what I suspected. I do great at work, but as soon as I get home, I turn into a mindless, food-devouring monster! Monday's my best day, and as the week goes on, I keep on sliding until I'm a messy puddle on the weekend. I don't eat as much on the weekend (I usually skip morning tea and sometimes breakfast and afternoon tea as well) but most of what I do eat is unhealthy. And my greatest weakness is dessert! I have a strong emotional thing going on. All day I think to myself, "right, tonight I'm just going to have a cup of tea ... a cup of tea ... just a cup of tea ... " Then, about half an hour after dinner, the thought of not getting anything sweet to eat is so pathetic that I just wanna cry! I'm such a sad-sack!! So I have to think of a way to break this cycle.

In Other News ...

I've also been sick quite a lot in the last week. I've really tried to eat more fruit lately, but seeing as I have fructose malabsorption, I really have to be careful what fruits I eat and check products for high-fructose corn syrup. Since I found out I had this, nearly a year ago now, I haven't worried about it too much. But now that I'm eating more fruit, I'm noticing I'm getting sick more. So I think it's time to look at my plan, here!

As for the other thing I wanted to improve on last week - drinking more water - I did manage to drink 5 or 6 glasses each day during the week. Again, though, on the weekend... meh!

So this week I'd like to: continue to drink at least 6 glasses of water, EVERY day; make a list of fructose-safe fruits and stick to only eating them; and exercise (no matter what type) at least 5 days.

((Um, I didn't really intend to have weekly goals, but there you go. ))

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Worries

Weighed myself yesterday morning and I was about the same as I was a few weeks ago. (Actually put on 0.1kg.) Ho hum.
The other night I was worried I wouldn't be able to lose enough weight in time for N's wedding to be happy with myself. I kept worrying whether I'd look silly in the outfit I want to wear. Then I felt bad for thinking that way because I'm trying to get beyond that. I was looking online for pictures to help me design the outfit, and all of them were of slim women, which doesn't really help me out with how the outfit would look on me. It was all a bit frustrating.

Meanwhile ...

I'd like to exercise more but lately I'm always so tired and I just don't feel like it. Seems I hardly ever end up doing the things I enjoy doing, let alone exercising. (Even trying to make exercise into something I enjoy doing hasn't been working lately!) I spent an obscene amount of money on some special hiking sneakers about a month ago, and I haven't used them yet even once. Boy says to save them for proper hiking walks, not every day use. But with winter coming on and my motivation at an all time low, when will that happen?? I have two pairs of walking sneakers and they're both getting really clapped out. The ones from Athlete's Foot are nearly 3 years old now and they're still ok, but they rub against my heels because the padding has worn away. I also bought another pair with velcro so they'd be quick and easy to put on at lunchtime, etc. They've lasted a while, but they were pretty cheap and the velcro keeps coming undone now while I'm walking and it's a bit annoying.. But I just can't justify buying new shoes! I'm a bit wierd about that. I guess I just can't convince myself that I'll use them enough to justify the cost. Which is daft really because I walk at least 4 times a week! So I should stop being a wally and just buy some!

Also ...

I'm proud to say I got 90% in my Tracker yesterday! How cool is that? The only meal I didn't eat healthy was dessert (I had apple pie). And I drank 5 glasses of water, which is a pretty good start, I think.

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Analysing my Behaviour

Last week I decided that at the end of the week, I'd have a look back at my Tracker, see what I've been doing and if I need to make any changes. Definitely some patterns emerging. Most of which I knew about before, but I can see them really clearly now. Food-wise - I do great at work. Healthy and good, eat lots of fruit and a bit of vege. Also managed to do some moderate body work most weekdays, even though I was feeling a bit lazy.
BUT. The minute I get home it all goes down the tube! (Both after work and on the weekends.) I keep telling myself that this weekend I'll go for a walk, do my weights or stretching. I'll have plenty of time - I'll exercise Sat and Sun this week! But it never happens. I'm sure if I did a chart of motivation level vs. day of the week, it'd be a steep angle:



All that talk on Monday, just peters out to nothing by Friday night. Tired, grumpy and just wanting to have a couple of drinks!! Looking back on my blog, I even made a joke about it last Sat. So what can I do to break this cycle? How can I get myself to be in Monday Mode even on Sunday? Let me think about it.

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Inspiration and Sundries

Yesterday I had a very good day! I got 80% on my chart. I ate healthy for every meal except dessert, and exercised. Which is good, cos the weekend was absolutely shocking. Need to be more aware of what I'm doing on the weekends!

I weighed myself on Friday though and I've put on 0.4kgs in the last month. Though I've lost 2cms from my waist. How does that work?! That's what I'd like to know!

Once a week I get an email from Spark.com and a few weeks ago the title was, "the one exercise that will make you lose weight". (Or something like that.) So of course I eagerly clicked on it! And it says the best exercise is one that you enjoy, so you're more likely to keep doing it over the long term. And that's true. For over a year, I kept telling myself I 'should' exercise every day. I 'should' do my weights routine twice a week, and I 'should' do my yoga DVD once a week and blah blah. I thought if I wrote up a timetable it would help, but it didn't! It made things worse! Plus I felt guilty because I didn't do yoga every Wednesday, weights every second Tuesday and alternating Friday, etc. etc. It was driving me nuts. So I threw the timetable in the bin. Well, I kinda did that because I was sick for about 6 weeks as well and didn't feel like exercising at all. When I started to get better, I started feeling like I wanted to exercise again, but I knew this timetable thing wasn't going to work! So the last few weeks I've just been doing what I felt like, when I felt like. Last night I felt like dancing so I did - for nearly an hour! That was great. I wonder what I'll feel like doing tomorrow.



Greens: 80%.


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New Stuffs!

I got fruit! And lots of it. Enough to last me at least a couple of days. With my new tracking system, I can fill in the snack field in green. Yay! I'm a visual person, so this really appeals to me a lot. The perfect thing would be to have a 100% green day. That would be great, but! It involves a lot of organising and doing various different things. So I think an 80% green day is a pretty good goal. I'm not lowering my standards or anything, I just don't want to be too disappointed in myself if I don't get 100% every day. Besides, they say you shouldn't exercise every single day anyway, that you should have a rest day sometimes. And if I'm eating healthy and doing something relaxing or creative instead, then that will help my physical health and/or stress level, so it all balances out, I figure.

Speaking of exercise, I went for a really long walk yesterday, and it was great! It was a good way to get rid of some stress. Also in a couple of weeks, Boy and I are going to an open day at a Karate Dojo. Probably won't join as it's a bit far from me, but I'm looking forward to doing something new and different. Boy used to do karate and he says you have to squat down a lot, so I've been practicing. :)

I've also started this new thing that I discovered on Facebook. It's called MeHealth or something. You're emailed a small challenge every day that helps your physical, mental or emotional wellbeing. You get points for doing it every day and earn badges, etc. Also a picture is slowly revealed with every level, which I like also. Yesterday's challenge was do a crossword or sudoku puzzle for 5 mins, and today's is to let your mouth and jaw muscles relax for a few mins. They're so easy, but they help you remember to spend a little time on self-improvement every day. Anyway, dunno how long it'll last, but it's fun so far.

Later That Night ...

Boy has to go to work tonight, so I'm all mega-pouty and I want something gooey and sweet for dessert. On the other hand, he has a new job and won't be working night shifts anymore after tonight, so that's fantastic!

Greens: 50%.



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The Tracker!

Ok, so. I've started this new thing, that I mentioned in my last blog post. I made up a spreadsheet where I can list, briefly, what I ate for each meal, plus some other things that are important to me. I'll try to upload a picture of it. I just wanted it to be very simple. If I've eaten healthy for a particular meal and the portion size wasn't too big, then I fill in the field in green. The aim is for every field to be blocked in green for the day. I feel confident enough now with my knowledge of food to know when a meal or portion was in the healthy range or not. As well as exercise, there are boxes for other things that I want to do every day, like being creative and relaxing activities. Because when I'm stressed out and feeling overwhelmed, eating healthy is so much harder!

Yesterday was such a horrible day. Multiple, extremely stressful things happened which I'm still turning over in my mind. I actually got to that point where I was too stressed to eat, which happens to me occasionally, very rarely. I nearly didn't finish my pudding, ha!


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