In Other News ...
Food. I haven't been paying enough attention lately. On Tuesday I scored 35% on my food and exercise tracker. That's insanely bad! Mind you, it was a public holiday and I went to a barbeque where the only salads were potato ones. Is that a good enough excuse?
I get so conflicted. Part of me thinks - you shouldn't have eaten all that unhealthy food. You should be mindful all the time! Keep your eyes on the prize, all the time! The other part of me thinks - it's a party, have fun! One day won't hurt! Stop worrying and stressing all the time, no wonder you're always unhappy.
No wonder I'm always so confused, more like!
Speaking of food, I'm not sure I like the breakfast cereal I've been eating lately. It's got bits of fibre and almond and macadamia clusters or something. It tastes all right (though not very sweet without any fruit in it). But I've noticed I always feel bloated afterwards, and yet I still get hungry well before morning tea time. This morning I was already thinking about my beetroot dip and celery sticks at 9.30! Perhaps next week I'll try porridge with canned fruit instead.
Meanwhile ...
I must be pretty desperate lately, because last night at the chemist I spent almost $30 on a Quick Trim cleansing drink, endorsed by a certain celebrity famous for doing not much but being hot and having a large booty. You mix 60ml into a glass of water, drink 4 times a day. Then you too, can have a large booty.
Then, for the duration, you're supposed to only eat fruit and vegetables, soup and jelly. Avoid sugar and protein. That's probably going to have more effect on your weight loss than the drink, I reckon! The main ingredient lemon juice, so the drink has a semi-sweet lemony taste. The other main ingredient is aloe vera, which is interesting. I've actually been told to drink it before, as it's soothing to the digestive system. It's also got kombu kelp and a few other herbal things which I don't have time to look up now. So if it works, great! If it doesn't, well, I've bought a very expensive water flavouring. haha!
Seriously, I don't know why I do things like that. Earlier that evening, I'd been writing in my journal. I use my journal to write things that're too private even for here. I haven't written for months (literally), but I bought myself a few mini fountain pen as a treat and wanted to test it out. I ended up writing and writing. Just as I was starting to get down to the nitty gritty, the really painful stuff that I often don't even admit to myself, Boy got home from work! I was deep in a flow of writing, of experiencing thoughts I usually don't acknowledge, of letting them out - and it was a real jerk back into reality to have the bright light switched on and suddenly noise where there was silence. It took me a little while to find my way back to normality. I abandoned my writing mid-sentence. I had to let the thoughts go. Was I on the verge of a break-through? I don't know. But I felt very sad at having to let it go. I also felt very guilty, because of course I was glad to see Boy and welcome him home. I was selfish to wish for more time alone. He kept asking me what was wrong, why I looked sad, and I didn't want to tell him. I barely even knew how to express it to myself, let alone express it to someone else. In the end, I just said that it was the same old thing that I always whinge about. And it really was, actually!