In the last week I've come to realise that anxiety has been ruling my life more again. With everything that's been happening in my life -- and in the world -- recently, it's not a surprise. Of course, my ideal job would be to work from home, only contacting people by email, but I can't have the archives delivered to my house to work on! Even having to travel to work is bearable, as long as the train isn't too crowded and again, much of my contact with other people is done via email. However, there are some aspects of my current job which require me to approach people in person. I'm very bad at this, especially when it requires asking them to do something. Even asking a question to find out about something I don't know often makes me feel uncomfortable.
I'm working on several projects at the same time, some more urgent than others. In the last month or so, I've let my anxiety dictate what tasks to focus on instead of prioritising logically by urgency. My Instant Gratification Monkey and my monsters teamed up to push me towards tasks that allowed me to avoid contact with people. I mean, if I have to choose a task to do, which is more fun? Going up to someone and telling them they have to spend half their week indexing their files because the people who used to do it for them are under-resourced; or making up a pretty spreadsheet with pretty colours and fonts?
Yeah, I know. That darned Monkey.
Part of me says -- once this job is over (I'm only contracted for another 2 months) I should find a nice, backroom job with a big team where I can hide anonymously in a corner and work through fifty-thousand-line spreadsheets to my heart's content and never speak to anyone. The other part of me says -- if I really want to be a real archivist, like N___, then I need to get out there and do good work and get myself known, so people will want me and I can pick and choose my jobs and I can bestow my wisdom whereever I go. I want to be enticed out of retirement to work on 'one last job'.
What I would actually like, I think, is something in between those two. But no matter which path I steer, the monsters will get in my way, if I let them. Even if I'm not planning on a brilliant career and ultimate guru status, even if the art thing takes off and I go in that direction instead, I still need to make a living. Then there's the question of leading a happy and fulfilled life.
That night, I gave meditation another go, with my Insight Timer app. I set it for one minute, but I was only just getting into it when it ended, so I repeated it for two minutes. (I make myself laugh!) Yesterday on the way to work, I listened to the Fluent Self's Destuckification Station audio. When I notice my monsters trying to tell them things, I tell them to be quiet! I really want to open up my journal and have a conversation with my monsters. I'm still not sure if I will take up acupuncture again; there are a few other avenues to explore, too.
Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
18 November 2016
12 November 2016
My Hogwarts House
Yesterday, I finally created an account at Pottermore and found out my official Hogwarts House! I don't know why it took me so long to get around to it. I first started reading the books after the third one came out, so that makes it 1999. At the time, I was instantly drawn to Ravenclaw -- it fit my personality perfectly.
When the online quizzes and tests appeared, I did a couple and the result was always Ravenclaw, too. I was a dyed-in-the-wool Ravenclaw! Or was I? When chatting with Husband and some friends earlier this year, they said I struck them as being more of a Hufflepuff. Were the tests wrong, or perhaps I've changed?
About a month ago, I came across a sorting system based on personality psychology. It's quite complicated, and there's no quiz -- you have to read through the desciptions and decide which one fits you best. The site is here and I would recommend it as an interesting exercise if you're interested in psychology. The system is two-tiered. Your Primary sort is based on your value system: why you do the things you do. Your Secondary sort is your methods: how you achieve the things you want to do. It also explains the concepts of Modelling and Performing.
Choosing my House for the Secondary sort was easy: it was Ravenclaw far and away above the others. I had a very hard time choosing a House for the Primary sort, however. In the end, I tentatively chose Hufflepuff first, with Ravenclaw a close second.
While this exercise and learning more about the psychology-based sorting system was very interesting, it left me even more confused than before. Can you be a RavenclawxHufflepuff? That's why I decided to join Pottermore, do the sorting quiz there and get the 'official' truth. Which is: I'm a proud Hufflepuff!
It wasn't much of a surprise actually, when I think back on the last 15 years. I've changed in many ways. Learning and knowledge are still very important to me, but so is community and supporting others. (The rise of the internet is probably partly the reason for that.) In the last 3 years especially, since buying our house, gardening and plants have become a new and passionate hobby for me. That, more than anything else, is probably the reason my friends now think of me as a Hufflepuff!
I am very happy to be a Hufflepuff, as I think it suits my personality the way it is now. And who knows, perhaps I would have been the student to build bridges between the Houses and show that Hufflepuffs aren't "duffers" after all! There's only one drawback to being a Hufflepuff. The House colours -- yellow and black -- are the same as a football team here in Melbourne. None of the other House's colours suffer from that problem. I suppose that if I ever want to deck myself out in Hufflepuff regalia, I will have to make sure the crest with the badger is clearly visible. I don't mind though, because the badger is the most adorable and foresty of all the animals!
I actually think that if I lived in the Harry Potter universe, I would have been a Ravenclaw. If I'd been admitted to Hogwarts at the age of 11, where would the Sorting Hat have put me? I was such a strong Ravenclaw back then. If the hat had given me a choice between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, I would certainly have chosen Ravenclaw. Now, I would choose Hufflepuff. And J. K. Rowling agrees.
TL;DR I'm a Hufflepuff!
When the online quizzes and tests appeared, I did a couple and the result was always Ravenclaw, too. I was a dyed-in-the-wool Ravenclaw! Or was I? When chatting with Husband and some friends earlier this year, they said I struck them as being more of a Hufflepuff. Were the tests wrong, or perhaps I've changed?
About a month ago, I came across a sorting system based on personality psychology. It's quite complicated, and there's no quiz -- you have to read through the desciptions and decide which one fits you best. The site is here and I would recommend it as an interesting exercise if you're interested in psychology. The system is two-tiered. Your Primary sort is based on your value system: why you do the things you do. Your Secondary sort is your methods: how you achieve the things you want to do. It also explains the concepts of Modelling and Performing.
Choosing my House for the Secondary sort was easy: it was Ravenclaw far and away above the others. I had a very hard time choosing a House for the Primary sort, however. In the end, I tentatively chose Hufflepuff first, with Ravenclaw a close second.
While this exercise and learning more about the psychology-based sorting system was very interesting, it left me even more confused than before. Can you be a RavenclawxHufflepuff? That's why I decided to join Pottermore, do the sorting quiz there and get the 'official' truth. Which is: I'm a proud Hufflepuff!
It wasn't much of a surprise actually, when I think back on the last 15 years. I've changed in many ways. Learning and knowledge are still very important to me, but so is community and supporting others. (The rise of the internet is probably partly the reason for that.) In the last 3 years especially, since buying our house, gardening and plants have become a new and passionate hobby for me. That, more than anything else, is probably the reason my friends now think of me as a Hufflepuff!
I am very happy to be a Hufflepuff, as I think it suits my personality the way it is now. And who knows, perhaps I would have been the student to build bridges between the Houses and show that Hufflepuffs aren't "duffers" after all! There's only one drawback to being a Hufflepuff. The House colours -- yellow and black -- are the same as a football team here in Melbourne. None of the other House's colours suffer from that problem. I suppose that if I ever want to deck myself out in Hufflepuff regalia, I will have to make sure the crest with the badger is clearly visible. I don't mind though, because the badger is the most adorable and foresty of all the animals!
I actually think that if I lived in the Harry Potter universe, I would have been a Ravenclaw. If I'd been admitted to Hogwarts at the age of 11, where would the Sorting Hat have put me? I was such a strong Ravenclaw back then. If the hat had given me a choice between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, I would certainly have chosen Ravenclaw. Now, I would choose Hufflepuff. And J. K. Rowling agrees.
TL;DR I'm a Hufflepuff!
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