Got My Grump On

Hate to start a Thursday morning on a bad note, but I'm grumpy, I had to get up early (/earlier) this morning, and I don't care! I feel fat, frumpy and pouty today. I don't understand how I felt really thin and sporty just a few days ago, and totally the opposite today. I caught a look at myself from the side, in the reflection from a window on the way to work, and I was horrified. I wondered how I could even leave the house looking like that. I just don't understand it. I mean, I wear this top all the time, and I don't remember thinking that last time I wore it. And I feel like crying whenever I think about how I have to stop eating chocolate if I want to lose weight. [insert enormous pout here]


I figure, it's either one of two things:
1. I've put on a whole bunch of weight in the last few days (or I'm retaining water, which is also possible, but considering I hardly drink enough, where did it come from??)
2. I have PMT.
I'm really starting to get jack of this! It's been getting worse over the last year. I swear lately it's been lasting 2 weeks out of every month. I've asked my doctor if there's anything we can do and he's currently doing some research. Watch this space (or not, if this topic makes you queasy. )

Meanwhile ...

The other day I ordered some shapewear, and last night I got a notification that they've been shipped. Hoping they arrive soon! I got them from this site. I first found it a few years ago, but the postage fees were too much for me. Not anymore. Unfortunately they won't arrive before Saturday night (Boy's birthday), but they should arrive before the other special events that're coming up. Part of me feels ashamed that I'm resorting to this kind of thing, but lots of people do it ... right? They utilise the benefits of looking sleeker and feeling less jiggly, so why can't I? I figure - it's just to give me a bit more confidence until I've had a chance to lose a bit of weight for real. Losing weight takes a long time (a very long time in my case, it seems), and I don't want to wait that long to start looking and feeling better.
(The feminist part of me is rolling her eyes and telling me that I shouldn't succumb to society's narrow expectations of how the female form should look. That I should reject the male-dictated status quo and have the courage to love my unique body the way it is.)
(Now the post-feminist part of me is saying, take society's expectations and twist them! In the 21st century, wearing a corset is not shameful or backward, it's a subversion of mainstream expectations, an independent statement of choice, an expression of female power and sexuality!)
(Negative Nancy says: but that only counts if you wear the corset on the outside of your clothes, doesn't it? And you'd never have the guts to do that!)
(ApartmentCat says: guts! Get it? I made a funny! hahah!)

*sighs* No wonder I get so confused sometimes!