It seems that, as soon as things start to get a bit annoying, I revert to my childhood. I'm getting my exercise from computer games, I've started playing with dolls again, and I've taken to eating baby food!
In discussion last week, I had an insight into why I find it so hard to stay motivated. I set up a system of goals and rewards for myself. It's something that's been in the back of my mind for a while, but I've only know acknowledged it to myself. In the past I've done things like - drew up a chart for myself with rewards for incremental steps. e.g. reach __ weight and I can buy myself some new art supplies, or makeup or something. I made the gap in between goals 3-4kgs, tried to make it really easy for myself. And yet still I find it really hard to get excited about the plan, and look forward to buying myself those rewards. Why? Because I don't really feel like I deserve them. Even if I achieve the goal 100%, half the time I don't even buy myself the reward anyway. And the whole system comes crashing down. It's a bit of an issue.
I guess it's a similar thing to when I see other girls wearing beautiful clothes and pretty shoes, and I feel jealous and I want them too. But I never go and buy them for myself. The money could be better spent on other things. As for clothes - I should wait til I've lost weight, otherwise it'll just be a waste of money. As for shoes - I really should buy comfortable ones rather than pretty ones. Then I feel like a dork, wearing cheap clothes and ugly shoes. *sighs*
Meanwhile ...
I got so excited this morning because my top was looser! This is my favourite top that I wear nearly every week, so I would notice. But then I remembered that I'd dried it on the rack instead of in the drier this time, so it wouldn't have shrunk like it normally does. So I'm not thinner after all. What a bummer! I should weigh myself tomorrow morning and find out for sure. It's been a while. I'm hoping to have good news.
Back at the Farm ...
Meanwhile, I'm absolutely dying for a frozen yoghurt from the new frozen yoghurt shop in the city. It will definitely be a special treat. But what can I do to deserve one? Even if I ate healthy and exercised every day this week, I still wouldn't have time this week to go and get one. There's just no recourse.
