After all the silliness of the other day, I was given a good talking to, and I realised I was wrong. (Thank you, B! You're amazing!)
No, I was right about one thing - don't give up.
Yet still, the whingeing and pouting continues. I catch myself having negative thoughts every hour, every minute. I'm sure I'm doing it without even realising it. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I thought I was developing techniques to deal with this. I thought I was making progress. But it seems like I'm sliding backwards further and further every day, until I feel like I'm freakin' 15 years old again!!
Not to mention putting on weight instead of losing it. Not to mention feeling less fit and healthy as the weeks go by. (My ankle hurts, my back hurts, I'm thirsty, I feel stiff and sore.) My goals seem further and further away every day.
It's annoying and it has to stop! Something has to change!
The fact is: I have to change. It's harder than it sounds.
I'm up to the point now where I know what I have to do. Ok, that's Step 1 taken care of. But I've been at this point for a couple of years now. Why haven't I taken the next step yet? I suspect I know the answer to that question - I'm just not willing to admit it to myself. Or maybe just avoiding thinking about the implications of it.
There I go, being all vague and avoidy again! It must get so boring.
So anyway, being a girl of action, I feel like I need to take action. (And not those silly, deprivational ones like in the last post, that just make me feel worse in the end.) A little while back, I was reading a post by Sister Diane of Crafty Pod on cutting back on the number of blogs you read. (Ironic that it's sort of an anti-advertisement of itself, but I think she makes a good point.) There are links to some other very insightful pieces on the topic. There's been a lot on the intertubes in the last couple of years about spending less time on the internet and on social media, about stepping back and having some 'real life' time. I've cut back on my facebook time, but I still spend many hours a week poring over blogs and pictures and such things. (Worried that I'll miss out on something, having to visit all of them and not neglect any! All the while thinking, I wish my craft looked like that, I wish my house looked like that, I wish I looked like that!) I'm sure it's unhealthy. I need a strong dose of real life!
I want to have one internet-free day a week. I've done it before, and found it quite satisfying. Then I might increase it to two if it's going well. Whether I'll spend that time doing craft, going for a walk, practising piano or reading, I don't know yet. But it's a start. I feel optimistic for the first time in months. There are possibilities!
