"that'll teach you to think you can just go out in public and walk down the street like anyone else! You wanna have the guts to look people in the face? You think other people won't find you disgusting and horrible? That'll teach you!"
I wasn't sure I was going to write about this, yet here we are. Cathartic. Not a cause for regret. I hope. Things have been a bit better since yesterday though, or at least I'm determined to be happier and less stressed about everything. To further this, I decided to start a new thing - I bought a little notebook, and I'm going to keep a happiness diary. It's a concept that I'd heard of ages ago. Every night before bed (well, most nights anyway), I'll jot down 3 things that made me happy that day. I'm not normally into these schmaltzy things, but sometimes they can actually work. Also been continuing to meditate for 60 seconds (approximately; whenever I remember to) in bed at night before I fall asleep. Currently I'm wondering how different this state of mind is to when I'm actually trying to go to sleep! And whether it's actually having an effect. But I feel this is a thing I have to take with baby steps, and I'll work up to longer periods over time.
In Other News ...
These are the pants I ordered; they arrived yesterday:
Source: asos.com via ApartmentCat on Pinterest.
Many, including myself, may be thinking, "what was she thinking??!" I just got them on a whim, more out of curiosity as to how Asos clothes are sized than anything else. Seeing as you can only buy them online. The fabric is a bit different to how I thought it would be - a stretchy knit instead of a silky drape. They're more like pyjama pants, really. It might be hard breaking free of that feeling in order to actually wear them in public! I'd probably wear them with a long, loose top in a bright colour - if I had one! bwahahaha!
Actually, I ordered a top from another website that might be suitable, only it hasn't arrived yet. And I may well have others in the deep, dark recesses of my wardrobe, you never know.