First post in my new blog format, yay!
I can't go for my Monday walk tonight, I have a few things to do after work. When I realised, I was disappointed. I was actually looking forward to my walk - the fresh air, listening to my music, getting to look at everything for a bit longer instead of rushing past it on the tram. I'll just have to make it Tuesday Walk this week instead.
On An Unrelated Note ...
Last night I was thinking a bit more. Ever since I started losing weight, I always assumed that losing weight and liking yourself the way you are didn't really go together. I mean, how could they? People lose weight because they don't like their bodies, right? How can you love and accept something while you're trying to change it? I had trouble getting my head around this for a long time - I still am. But a while back, I started to get really sick of the situation I was in. There were so many things I wanted to do, but noooo, I had to wait until I'd lost weight to do them. To wear pretty dresses with confidence, to do a bellydancing course, to go to a craft meetup and meet new people (people who were bound to be much cooler, more confident and thinner than me!). To make that dance video and post it on YouTube. To walk into the Zine Shop in person and say, "hi, would you like to sell my zines?" Whenever I thought about doing anything like that, immediately a voice in my head said, "nah, I'll wait til I've lost weight, til I've lost at least __kgs". Or "I couldn't possibly do that when I look so frumpy and dorky!" Or "it won't be any fun cos I'll be all self-conscious about my weight so I might as well wait." In the end, I got so unbelievably frustrated. I still am, in fact, because even though I'm more aware of this voice now, I still haven't figured out a way of getting rid of it. And I haven't yet done any of those things I mentioned.
But last night I was thinking, it's like my cat. (I love a good metaphor, so here we go!)
I love my cat, I think she's sweet and adorable. However she does have some issues:
- she sheds;
- she has a tendency to wake Boy and I up early in the morning on weekends to be fed;
- a few times recently she's gotten really stressed out and pooped on the rug instead of in her tray.
Now, I don't like any of these things about her, but I know she doesn't do them on purpose, and it doesn't change the way I feel about her. I do my best to solve these problems sensitively by:
- vacuuming regularly to keep the hair situation under control;
- trying to be understanding because she does get fed early in the morning 5 days out of every week and she doesn't get the concept of sleeping in;
- doing my best to eliminate any stressful elements in her environment.
Even though there are some things I don't like about her, I would never hurt her, never stop loving her, and I do the best I can to keep her happy and healthy. I try to change those things that I don't like, sometimes by influencing her directly, sometimes by changing things in her environment. But I always do it with a spirit of love and acceptance. And the things I can't change, I try to be understanding about.
How great would it be if I could have the same attitude towards my body?
