No, it seems wrong to say that. I was on a hiatus (much as I hate that word, it describes the situation pretty accurately and I can't be bothered looking up thesaurus.com right now!). For a long time I was pretty sad and frustrated: I want to do things differently, but nothing is changing. People say to me, you need to change, you can't just sit back and expect things to change around you, it needs to come from inside you. But I felt like I was empty, there was nothing inside. I got sadder and more frustrated. I felt very tired and run-down. Not a cold or anything in particular, just didn't feel like doing anything. In bed at night, trying to get to sleep, my heart would pound and I'd lie there for ages, trying to relax enough to sleep. Even a double dose of my herbal sleeping tablets didn't help. My exercise sessions dropped from 3 days a week, to 1, to none. I felt even more sad and frustrated that my goals were slipping away. I kept telling myself to do the things I needed to do, but it just didn't happen.
Then about a month ago, I was at the chemist getting a replacement bottle of the herbal sleeping tablets. Right next to them on the shelf was a bottle marked 'Mood'. May assist with stress, anxiety and sleeplessness. I bought it on impulse. It sat unopened on the coffee table for about a week, until Husband said, "have you started taking those yet? You really should start taking them". A mini wake-up call. I started taking them. I started feeling better. I felt happy again for the first time in weeks. I stopped obsessively thinking about the things that make me anxious. I no longer beat myself up mercilessly about the things I wasn't doing that I was supposed to be doing. It didn't feel like a struggle to leave the house and be in public. The twice-weekly visit to my barista was fun and chatty instead of awkward and painful. Nothing actually changed, I just felt better about everything. I feel like things could happen. Which is something I haven't felt for a while.
How strange that a couple of big pink pills can change what you're thinking and how you're feeling. I almost can't believe it can be true - was it just a coincidence? - but I guess it must be true.
Things stalled a bit when I got an actual cold last weekend, which resulted in my having to take 2 days off work last week. But! I didn't let it get me down. Normally I'd be all wah, wah, but I used the days off to actually rest and do some relaxing things like watch a movie, listen to my relaxation app and do a face mask treatment. And I hardly felt guilty about it at all. It was pretty nice, considering. I felt mostly better by Friday.
A lesson in why you should take your tablets!-
I was a bit slack with taking my tablets over the weekend, and I skipped my mood ones for a couple of days. Never do that again! I slept terribly last night, I was awake half the night with my heart pounding, and woke well before the alarm so hot and sweaty. I felt so wretched and frustrated, I was late for work, I feel so tired today that I could just about fall asleep at my desk. I haven't felt this way since, geez, before I started taking the tablets! Don't get me wrong, I don't think they're the perfect solution or anything, but they're helping me at the moment.
Anyway, that's probaby enough over-sharing for one day. Hopefully I'll have some reports about actual stuff soon. Meanwhile, here's a pretty picture of something nice:
