A few weeks ago I heard about a massage practitioner through a friend on facebook. Her website says that she specialises in body positive massage for people of all sizes and LGBTQI+ people. She also had a sliding payment scale for people in different economic situations. I thought this was really amazing. So I booked in straight away. I went once a fortnight ago and a second time last night.
She's awesome! Both massages were really good, but the second one left me feeling more relaxed than I ever have before after a massage. Not having those doubts and worries in the back of my mind that she might be judging me by my size or might try and start giving me weight loss advice made such a difference.
We got into a chat and I said to her: normally when I go to see any kind of health professional I have a speech ready in my head to give them about how I exercise regularly and I walk and I do yoga and blah blah. I was preparing that speech on the way to see her. But then I realised ... I don't have to do that with her! It felt so freeing.
I even told her about my blocked sinuses on the off-chance that she might be able to do something about them. She incorporated a facial massage which seemed to help quite a bit, and gave me some advice about steaming my head with eucalyptus oil.
Unfortunately she's only visiting Australia for a month at the moment, so I probably won't get to see her again in the near future. (Also: there's money considerations.) She's hoping to move to Melbourne to live at some point, and there's been interest in her services, so hopefully it will happen. I've always had guilt and issues about doing 'luxury' things like that for myself, but knowing that she has the sliding scale and that my payment will go towards giving access to the service for people with less means than me makes me feel better.
MEANWHILE...
The last few months I've fallen into that frustration again. The frustration of never having any time, wanting to do so much and not being able to, or being too tired to when I finally do have the time. Rosie says that motivation requires three things: time, energy and intention. It's very rare that anyone has all three in abundance. I have plenty of intention but not much of the other two.
I always tell myself I'm not doing enough, I'm not trying hard enough to do all the things I want to do. I try not to use the word 'lazy' anymore, and I try not to label myself as a procrastinator, but it's a constant struggle not to beat myself up about it.
For some reason I was randomly thinking about the things I do/have in my life. What would it sound like to someone else's ears if I told them about it? I:
* Have a full-time job
* Have a second job, which means I work 6 days a week (well, 5.5 technically, but 6 sounds more dramatic!)
* Am a member of 2 artist/creative circles, which I write for at least once a week
* Maintain 2 blogs (3 if you count this one!)
* I study, and I do extra-curricular activities where I can
* I also just started a course for personal improvement, which I've been working on at lunchtimes
* I'm reading 15 books at the moment
* I have so many art and craft projects on the go that they're practically coming out of my ears!
* Have a house and garden to look after
* Have a pet to look after
* Have a husband with a chronic pain condition to look after (he's fiercely independent but that doesn't mean I don't need to keep an eye out for him)
If I was someone else reading that list, I'd be quite impressed. I should give myself more credit!
