Something really strange happened to me yesterday. I discovered a blog I'd totally forgotten about. A blog I'd started writing in 2010, and wrote in (with a few gaps) up until 2017. Then I stopped. How strange. Why did I do that? Why did I stop? How is it that I totally forgot it even existed?
(And yes, it's this blog that I'm currently writing on, in case you were wondering. :) )
I'm not morbid enough to go back through and re-read all of my old posts. I do remember though, that many of the early ones were copied from a w*ght l*ss community that I was a member of. My head wasn't in a very good place for a long time, and that was part of it. I'm glad to leave it behind.
I remember joining a Fluent Self community forum, where members separately worked on their Stuff in a group setting. I have very fond memories of that and wish it was still ongoing. I think it was at that time that I stopped posting. I was writing a lot, indeed!, but it was all in that private setting. And much of it was pretty deep -- I would have felt uncomfortable posting it in public.
(Though having said that, I'd be very surprised if anyone reads this blog. Nevertheless, if you are, hello!)
Sadly, the Fluent Self programme (what an ugly word for it) didn't renew once the [you-know-what] started; I'm not sure this is the reason why, or if there are other reasons. I do hope it comes back again in future. The concepts and techniques in it really click with my brain. At least we still have the blog to pore over.
I also remember for a while (before that? at the same time?) joining an artists' community that was focussed on helping one bring their Dream into reality. Did I write about that here? Was that what the "Sharing Circle" posts are?
(ADHD + not using my brain for 3 years + [plague] time being all hinky has really mucked with my memory)
I did love that artists' community at first too, but then I became disillusioned with it, I have to admit. There were a lot of good activities and mini-courses in it, don't get me wrong. But after a while, the weekly check-in thing that we all did became a chore, and when my membership was up for renewal, I didn't. I guess that one just didn't click with my brain?
Funnily enough, the F.S. community also had a weekly check-in; I enjoyed doing that a lot more and did it consistently for a long time.
Around the same time I got my first Hobonichi diary. The later half of 2016, I think, so there's some overlap, but let's just gloss over that. I got into kawaii journalling, in a real-proper paper journal. I mean, who wouldn't pass up an excuse to buy lots of stickers and coloured pens and deco tapes? Maybe that's another reason I stopped writing in this blog? I'm not sure.
Don't get me wrong, I don't write in my Hobonichi every day! Even though it's a page-a-day setup. I have phases where I'm enthusiastic about it, and log my day every day, and other times when I can't be bothered and leave weeks' worth of pages blank. Again, I experimented with a few different formats. The one I've landed on in the last year is to note a summary of everything I did that day.
(Well, not *every*thing, lol)
I started doing this because with my memory going downhill, having [the unemploy] and the [staying-at-home-thing] making all the days seem the same, I kept beating myself up. At the end of each day, I couldn't remember anything I'd done, and assume I'd done nothing, and get really harsh on myself. So I started noting down things like: what time I woke up, appointments I went to, housekeeping and gardening activities, podcasts listened to, books read, meals cooked (if interesting/different/fun), TV/movies watched, etc. Sometimes I add quotes, interesting facts, things to think about, etc. And then encrust it with stickers and deco tapes. XD
To be honest, most of the time I just note down these details in the notes app on my phone in the evenings, and then add them to my Hobonichi in batches when I'm in the mood. There's something much more satisfying about having things written down on paper.
(When the [pan-thingy] started, I also did Julia Cameron's Morning Pages every morning for 18 months, but that's another story.)
I'm tempted to start the Fluent Self weekly check-ins again, but I know myself and I know I won't be consistent with it. I'll stop when it becomes a chore, and it'll be a struggle-bus not to beat myself up about it. Don't get me wrong, I think it's an amazing and helpful practice, but I tend to get on a rollercoaster ride of loving/being sick of any activity I do. So no shade against the technique!
And if I were to start the weekly check-ins again (or something else in that vein), would I do it electronically, or on paper? Paper feels much more real, more permanent. More satisfying. And much more private than posting it on a blog. (Even a private blog could be hacked.) Or, if you store it on your computer, you could lose the data. Typing feels much more ... inconsequential.
(Idea: I could do them in my Hobonichi, then take a photo of it and post it here. Or is that too boring/personal/awkward/something else?)
Or, maybe I just feel like writing lately. I gave up on writing fiction some time ago, but I do still enjoy writing [nonfiction? / other stuff] at times. I *did* just post in my Hobby Blog for the first time in 8 months. I had an urge to re-start the Morning Pages practice. (A brief urge, it subsided quickly!) Or do some Stone Skipping (the Fluent Self term for journalling to a prompt.) Or even write, memoir-style, my story with undiagnosed ADHD, a grab-bag of chronic illnesses and being an extremely introverted artist who can't draw (lol).
(Ptah!! No-one wants to read about that pap! say the Monsters.)
Having said that, I don't know if I'll post in this blog again. Time will tell.