Things were hard again this week, but I’m starting to come to some realisations which may make some things easier. I’m now fairly sure the headaches and neck and jaw pain I’ve been experiencing are stress-related (“It’s not a tumor!”). The job itself is not stressful, but dealing with my colleague is. I won’t go into too much detail (mainly because I don’t want to think about it too much right now – I can feel the jaw pain starting up already and I don’t want to ruin the nice day I’ve had!). Hopefully some grounding and protection strategies will work.
Meanwhile, I’ve been doing a drawing of myself every day at lunchtime. I decided to use common office supplies. They’re very quick, no more than 5 minutes, but it’s been enough to keep me feeling engaged with my creative side and hopeful that I’m doing something tangible to move forward with my dream. I’ve even been daydreaming of putting the series up in my imaginary future exhibition, and using it to make a point about the mundanity of office work or something like that. I actually can’t draw to save myself, but at the moment I really don’t care.
My yoga class, which I’ve only been to once and found to be an amazing experience, has been cancelled until further notice. I was really quite upset. I’d spent a lot of time convincing myself that I could do this every week, visualising how I was going to get there, how it was going to fit in with the rest of my life, etc. I was really excited to be in a body-diverse environment and to support that. So yeah, that sucks.
Today I did Give Your Dream Wings No. 7. It had been a month since I’d done any work on it, and I felt a little bad about that. I was excited and ready to do more afterwards though, so I decided to try the Crazy Smart Wisdom Council. I asked my dream how to connect with it every day, as that was what I was determined to do after my GYDW lesson. It just kept saying, “love me.” “Love me.”
Afterwards, I thought: I don’t want to do the kind of creativity where it’s just a 30-Day challenge, where you’re pushing yourself, you’re forcing yourself and it ends up becoming a chore. I don’t even want it to be the kind where you’re connecting with it. I want it to be the kind where you BE it – you can’t even imagine not doing something creative every day, because it’s like breathing or eating. If no-one ever sees it and no-one cares, it doesn’t matter. It’s like a compulsion.
