I've been having the strangest time lately. I keep oscillating between feeling amazing and feeling like crap. With the exhibition coming up in a few days though, I guess it's understandable. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. I don't want anyone to read my zine, but I want everyone to read it at the same time! I'm scared I won't get it done on time. I'm scared people will think my paintings are too weird. I'm scared no-one will buy any, and I'm also scared of letting go of my babies.
Monday was a very strange day indeed. I put a lot of concentrated effort into working on the zine and feeling really good about it. Then I did a 20-minute indoor walk video. Then I did 5 Kpop dance videos! And I still felt great! Then after Husband got home, I went out and mowed until the battery on the mower ran out! And I still didn't feel exhausted! I wish I had that sort of energy all the time.
Also on Monday, I'd been watching some youtube videos at lunchtime, and was feeling relly inspired by some of the vlogs I watched. I thought to myself, I want to start vlogging! I mean, what kind of crazy talk is that? I started thinking to myself, it's a new year, I should try something new! I have more way personality than the people in a lot of the vlogs I see! I'll wow them with my funny face and offbeat wit! I even went into the bedroom and made a really short video, just to see what it was like. I discovered several things:
* the camera on my ipad is actually not that bad.
* the light coming through the bedroom window isn't actually that bad.
* I might scrub up ok if I wore makeup and did my hair nice and wore a nice top.
* wow, I look like my Mum! (but not in a bad way!)
* I didn't hate my voice as much as I thought I would. In fact, I quite liked it.
I even googled how to make a vlog, but that was when the doubts flooded in. All the photos of celebrity youtubers and articles on how to engage with your viewers and increase your views and ugh! I remembered that my life is boring and I'd never have anything to talk about and I can't talk to real people let alone a camera and my anxiety would kill it and I gave up on that idea. But still...
