* I sought advice from a source I wouldn't normally go to, and I think it's going to be very meaningful, once I can work it out. I'm just not sure I'm ready for it yet. I was ready and gung-ho when I first received it, but now I'm not sure I'm ready. (Sorry to be vague, but I don't want to go into details on that one.)
* I forgot something important, and I feel extremely bad about it. The longer I leave it, the worse it's gonna get. I keep having really negative thoughts about it, and just in general, too. Husband gave me How Proust Can Change Your Life by Alain de Botton for my birthday, and I'm up to the bit about friendship. Proust had low self-esteem and he thought his likeability was very low. I can understand what he meant. I haven't been in the mood for socialising lately; I've been very avoidant. It can be very hard for an introvert to put themselves out there. Relationships are kind of like wells. (Whether it be friend, family, work colleague, etc.) The water in them is constantly evaporating. I need to haul water regularly or they'll just dry up completely and disappear. It takes a lot of effort to haul that water and keep them filled. If the person is a friend, someone I feel comfortable with, it's like a well-built one in a protected spot, where the water doesn't evaporate very easily. If the person is someone I feel awkward around, then it's like one built in a bad spot in the sun. No matter how much effort I spend in hauling water, it keeps evaporating quickly and I can never get it near the top. Often it feels like I've run out of water and I need a rest from people so it can replenish. I think introverts have a smaller supply of water than extroverts do. I don't really know what I'm getting at with this analogy. But it was fun to write.
* There's something wrong with my face. For the last week or so, my eyelids have been feeling sore and very dry. I've stopped putting eyeshadow on to see if that helps. In the last few days, too, I've had a rash of pimples on my chin and around my mouth, and it's been red. I'm starting to feel self-conscious about it. Some new painful pimples are coming out today. And this morning I noticed on my jawline and chin - little pills of flaky skin balling up when I put on my BB Cream. I use a lot of different sample beauty products, so it could be anything, or some kind of hormonal change. I'm a bit disturbed by it. It's all just adding to my general feeling of blechness.
* Lately the only way I can motivate myself to go for my lunchtime walk is to walk to the shops and buy something (bookshop, supermarket, etc). I need to be careful not to spend too much money! Today though, I'm just not sure I can drum up the energy even with the promise of shiny new things as a reward. I've stayed up late the last couple of nights. Not really late (just an hour) but gosh, the effect on me has been crazy!
So now that I've purged all the main things on my mind and I'm feeling a bit better ...
The Obligatory Silver Lining...
* I'm still doing my
* I did a bit of crocheting last night, and some work in my art journal the night before. I'm motivated enough to work on some things, even though I'm tired. So things can't be all bad.
* I'm going to try and drink at least 1.5 litres of water a day. When I had a bottle of water before, it made me feel less tired almost instantly. It was good to be reminded of the positive effects.