Today is Tuesday, but it seems like Monday because I had yesterday off. And darnit, I slept in and lazed around and did craft and it was glorious! I need to remember that when I feel like nothing is good. I feel tired today, but I think it's a mental tired, not a physical tired.
Have you ever been in a situation that's just not tenable? You just can't go on with the situation as it is. Just thinking about it makes your stomach churn and your head spin, let alone actually dealing with it. The amount of anxiety and illness it causes just isn't bearable anymore. Fortunately, there are ways to change the situation. There are two options. One is quick and easy, but if you take that option, you'll feel awful about it for the rest of your life. Many people would have no problem with it, but you just don't have the heart (or the lack of heart!). To you it's morally wrong. You hope to never have to take this option.
The second option is a lot more hard work. There's a lot of scary, head-spinning stuff in that option. It involves wearing the Grown-Up Pants. A lot. Not just the normal everyday ones, either. The extra-professional pinstripe ones. Heck, it could even be the Boss-Level Grown-Up Skirt-Suit we're talking about here! It'll mean making a big decision. There'll be a lot of dealing with Goblins as well. Mainly the "you're not capable of doing grown-up things" Goblin. And a lot with the "you don't deserve anything good" Goblin, too. I just need to keep telling them that their rhetoric is no way as important as making sure I no longer have to be in The Situation.
The other thing I need to remember about the second option is: it'll solve a lot more than just getting me out of The Situation. It will bring joys that I've been wanting for years. It will bring safety and security that I've never had before. Not just to me, but to all of our little humany/furry family. And anyway - it's something I'd been planning to do within the next 3 years all along!
In case you can't tell, I've been reading the archives of The Fluent Self again. Hence the giving of names to inanimate concepts. Hey, it just works for me. The being-annoyingly-vague part ... that's just all me! It's my blog and I'll be vague if I want to!
Word Replacement Time:
* "purchasing a property" will be "finding a home", or "finding a safe place". Or even "Option B", to remind myself that it's so much preferable to Option A. Our whole family - human and furry - deserve to be alive and safe.
* "the mortgage broker" can be the "nice helping-man/helping-lady". (I haven't actually met with a mortgage broker yet, but I'm sure he/she will be very nice, not to mention helpful!)
* "the mortgage" can be ... (hmm, this one's tough!) ... how about the money-baby? Cos it's just like a baby that needs to be nurtured and fed with money until it's all mature and ready to leave home.
* that means "the bank" would be "the money-mama", as it's the source of the money-baby.
* and "the bank manager" would be the "money-mama wrangler"!
See, it's more fun already!
Part of me thinks this kind of talk is complete lunacy, and part thinks it's perfectly natural and normal. I like the latter part of myself more. Time to go get myself some edamame!
