ASSIGNMENT:
See this post for my list of things to do.
DISCUSSION:
1. How do you deal with people that make assumptions about you based on being fat?
I just be myself and ignore them ... though this is a lot harder than it sounds sometimes! I'm a very shy person, and I hate confrontation, so I try not to get into topics with people I don't know very well, that might lead down 'controversial' or 'confrontational' paths. These topics include politics, religion (the old standards!), as well as weight, diets, etc. Therefore I'm not exposed to people's assumptions in a very obvious way. The most I might normally be exposed to is a facial expression or body language, rather than someone stating their assumption in words. I'm very sensitive, so this can be enough to set off days of worrying and feeling hurt. Facial expressions are much more easily avoided though, or ignored, or interpreted in the best light, than words are. I feel it's none of my business what other people are thinking, so I'm not going to pry or confront them over it. This is explained more/better in the last half of Question 3, which I answered first, so I might just refer to there!
2. Is the best revenge to live well and be happy?
hehehe, I think that adage is very suitable in any situation where revenge is required! Really though, I would love it if everyone in the world could live well and be happy, not necessarily to spite others but just in and of itself. Imagine a world where everyone was happy and left to live their lives as they pleased, no-one ever hurt others and no-one ever judged others. Yeah, I'm really a total hippy inside. ツ
3. How do you feel about the concept of there being a "good fatty" and a "bad fatty" perceived in society?
There's been a lot of discussion about this concept recently, and I'm sure it exists. Personally though, I haven't been exposed to it much. People's reactions to me have been very inconsistent, and don't really hold up to that theory. I think it depends on the individual person I'm interacting with and the environment I'm in. I've had people:
- scowl and roll their eyes at me for buying a salad and a diet coke at McDonald's;
- point and say 'you're fat' while I was waiting at the bus stop;
- yell things at me from a car while I was walking home from work;
- screw up their face and go 'ugh' as they passed me while I was walking for exercise;
- seem really surprised when I mentioned in conversation I was married;
- act like it was totally normal when I went to the gym and did various exercises, including jogging (I don't remember a single incident in the whole year I attended);
- encourage me to start attending the gym again - not for my health, but so we could see each other more often; - not bat an eyelid when I eat 'unhealthy' foods at a restaurant or food court (even though I often feel self-conscious when eating out, I can't remember any obvious behaviour from others);
- preserve an atmosphere of normalcy when my husband and I make kissy faces and goo-goo noises when saying goodbye to each other on public transport (this is every morning; yes we're sad!; I never feel uncomfortable or judged).
I'm not saying the 'good/bad fatty' thing doesn't exist, just that I haven't really experienced it personally. I tend not to get into conversations with people I don't know very well about topics like weight and food, so perhaps that has helped me avoid any uncomfortableness.
My theory is that people react badly when someone violates the expectations/assumptions they have about fat people, or we somehow push them out of their comfort zone. So if someone has an assumption that fat people only eat 'unhealthy' food, then if I buy a salad in front of them, it freaks them out a little bit. If they're particularly disturbed by it and don't have logical thinking and polite civility to fall back on, then they might lash out at the innocent fat person who doesn't understand their internal struggle.
I've spent so much time and effort trying to appear like a 'good fatty' to other people, so that I could avoid conflict and make people think well of me. In the last year or so I've realised - there's no point! People are going to react how they react, because of their own assumptions and prejudices. Or because they're just jerks. Nothing I do is going to change that. I've also met lots of really lovely people who like me for who I am. So I may as well just be myself.