But that's not why I'm posting today. Starting the course has made me think more about my blog. Many of the people doing the course are posting the assignments and other writings on their blogs. I'll probably want to share some of the things I'm going to write too, along with photos of other activities/creative-things the assignments might involve. Out of my 3 blogs, this is obviously the most appropriate one. The e-course definitely isn't about arts/crafts or beauty products!
OFF TOPIC: I was reluctant to link either of my other blogs to this one, because it would let slip my status as a Secret Internet Fatty (SIF) - this is a term I read on Gyaru Secret. Now back to the post...
But the stated purpose/topic of this blog is a little bit incongruous. My blurb, which I wrote about a year ago, says:
"I'm on a path, to lose weight and accept myself the way I am. At the same time. (No, I don't know exactly how that's going to work, either!)"
It's obvious that I was confused when I wrote that, and I'm still confused now! What is this blog about??
This blog first appeared on Calorie King, a site with weight loss tools, food diaries, calorie counters, yadda yadda. I just want to say that I'm not bagging it at all - I'm certainly not going to break the Underpants Rule and start telling people what websites they should and shouldn't use. I'm sure many people find it very useful, and in the past I did too. I used their food diary for a while back in 2010-2011, but eventually gave up on it because I find tracking food to be a giant pain in the arse. I've tried various different methods from apps to spreadsheets to hard copy booklets, and gave up on them all sooner or later. But I kept going with the blog. I really felt the need to talk about my experiences. Back in those days, most of my posts were "oops, I ate some chocolate", or "eugh I'm sick, I didn't exercise", or "I'd like to wear bolder clothes but I'm too chicken right now". (And yes, I fully admit that some of my posts are still like that, even now!)
One day - 29th August 2011, to be exact - I decided to move my blog to a proper blogging platform. The CK platform was very basic and was really only an add-on to the site - I couldn't even post pictures! I wanted to be able to do that and more. At the time I was aware of Body Positivity, but I didn't pay much attention to it. I just wanted to rectify the huge and ongoing mistake I'd made over the last 5 years - of putting back on the 25kgs I'd lost in the year before I met my Husband. But I suppose even then I was already thinking about it deep down inside. I mean, I called my blog 'My Path ... a Journey to Health & Happiness' and characterised it as a 'Health & Fitness Blog', rather than calling it 'My Weight Loss Blog' and labelling it a 'Weight Loss Blog.' Interesting.
Having said that, I still think I need to be classed with the Body Positivity/Acceptance 'beginners'. I'm still struggling with accepting myself the way I am. In the last couple of years, my focus has shifted towards being fitter and healthier, especially now that Husband has health issues. I want to be there for him when he needs me, whether it be to physically assist him, or just be around with a positive attitude for moral support. But there's still a voice inside me which says, "if I work on exercising and becoming fitter, then surely I'll lose weight too??"
That's the voice that's making me so confused. It seems that wanting to accept myself the way I am, and wanting to lose weight, are impossibly incompatible concepts. So eliminating that little voice will be one of my tasks, I think. But I'm also wondering - is it even OK to want to be fitter? I mean, I don't want to look like this:
Image from Pinterest.
I have absolutely nothing against people who look like this, or want to look like this, but it's not for me. I'd like to look like this:
Image from Pinterest.
A cute round belly, strong thighs and arms, cleavage. That's what I'd like!
Although ... if I'm going to be Body Accepting, then am I not allowed to wish I was different at all?? Or is it OK to want to be healthier and stronger? I'm still so confused! I have a lot of thinking to do.
P.S.
I know that some people may find me via How to be a Fat Bitch, and welcome! I just want to say that yes, comments are off. They always have been on this blog, and for now I feel most comfortable with things that way. Perhaps over time this blog will change more, and I'll open them up. I don't know yet.