Hello again. The last few days have been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. I'm mostly over my flu, but still just feeling really flat and blah. Probably because I haven't exercised in nearly 3 weeks. *shock!* *horror!!*
I probably could have gone for a short walk at lunch time on Friday, but I was feeling kinda weak - more emotionally than physically. I was having one of those days where I didn't want to face the streets and would rather hole myself up at my desk and check the tennis scores in my spare time. I felt guilty momentarily, but, meh.
Then yesterday (Saturday) I put on my pretty dress and went out to a birthday function. I was nervous at first, but then just settled into a pattern of being myself and not paying attention to the glances of strangers. I met a really interesting person and we talked all evening about life, having children (her, not me!), starting your own business, being creative and achieving your goals. I came away feeling really motivated and inspired. I had so many ideas swirling around in my head.
In the end, I think it all proved too much for me, because today (Sunday) I spent doing what I normally do - reading blogs and playing computer games. I had too many things that I wanted to do and couldn't decide on any one of them. I felt so guilty that I hadn't actually changed or done anything useful, I even ended up lying on the couch crying at one point. But then I decided to do something more productive and went off to do a few chores. (Though really, I do believe that expressing your emotions is productive as well.) I played some Kinect with Husband and felt much better. I felt like I was moving along.
Then something I found at random on the internet side-swiped me a bit. I won't go into it because it's very personal, but I ended up feeling like I haven't progressed at all, that I should be doing certain things if I want to love myself more, and that others are doing so much better than me. It was really hard to go from feeling so good one minute, to feeling like complete crap the next.
I struggled with it for a bit - why is this making me so upset, and why do I even care? Why did I feel the need to copy others? Then I started thinking more positively: I told myself, everyone is on their own path. I am on my own journey and I need to follow my own path, not anyone else's. I'm making progress, I know I am. And if I am on a different path to anyone else, or at a different point along it, it doesn't matter. I am me. That's all.
