It's Day 11 of my illness and I'm getting rather grumpy. I'm so sick of being sick! The stupid thing is, I don't really have very bad symptoms any more. I'm a bit sniffly, my voice is a little hoarse, and my sore throat has mostly gone away. It's just that I'm still so very tired and weak. I'm back at work this week, but only under the power of Codral. I have so many things that I'd wanted to do in the past week, but I haven't had the strength to do any of them - re-organise my art journalling supplies, pack away the Christmas decorations, print out photos and send them to people, blog posts about what I got for Christmas (those are going to be so late now!), not to mention continuing on my fitness plan for this year. EUGH!!
Last night I read a blog post by Fat Heffalump: No More Hoops, which made me think. One of the biggest reasons why I hate being sick is that it forces me to conform to the stereotype. You know the one about being lazy and having no energy and lying on the couch all day. I started exercising nigh on 10 years ago now, and I've always been proud of myself for it. My fitness and activity levels have varied a lot during that time, but I always vowed I'd never go back to what I was like 'before'.
So, when being sick pushes me back to feeling like that, it's scary. And it's also really embarrassing. When I have to walk slowly because my legs are wobbly, or I'm breathing heavily after walking from the car to the chemist's counter, or I'm looking tired and pale and miserable ... it's really embarrassing. I want to shout out to the people around me, "I'm sick right now! I'm not always like this!" I want everyone to know that I'm not a stereotype.
But after I read the blog post, I realised I'm being really ableist. What about all the people who have chronic illnesses and their lives are like this or worse, every day? Everyone has equal value, no matter their health status. Everyone has a story to tell that we can learn from. I remembered to be grateful for the health that I (normally) do have. Sure, I have ulcerative colitis and asthma, but I'm still healthy enough to be able to take actions to improve my health and fitness. That's a privilege that not everybody has.
In conclusion, I should stop being a whingey-whiner and just let myself recover. As I wrote in my other blog, let myself be. I am what I am, and if I'm sometimes accidentally a stereotype, then who cares? I'm sure everyone finds themselves in a similar situation sometimes. And it's OK.
On A Side Note ...
Interestingly, I observed something about myself that shows some improvement. Last week when I collapsed on the tram - if that had happened 6 months ago, I would have spent days afterwards agonising over the incident, how it would have looked to the people around me and what they must have thought of me. Possibly even weeks.
But! I didn't do that. I agonised for maybe 2 minutes, then got on with my life. I think that shows real progress.
In Other News ...
My e-book reader has died! I'm so upset! Just when I was getting back into reading! I have my heart set on a shiny new Kobo Touch. Oooh, they're so pretty. I have to wait until payday though, and I won't have time until then, either. Another lesson in patience. Luckily I still have plenty of real paper books to tide me over until then.
