I know it's only Thursday, but I'm on the verge of calling this week a dead loss already. It's doubly a shame because on Monday morning I was so motivated to do stuff this week. To have a good week and cross off everything on my to-do list. At lunchtime on Monday, I decided to treat myself and have lunch at a local cafe. It was wet, the flagstones were polished smooth, my shoes had no grip, and just outside the door of the restaurant, I slipped over. At first it seemed very minor, but as the afternoon went on, I felt more and more pain and stiffness. I wasn't getting any better, I was getting worse. So I called up the chiropractor; the first appointment I could get was for Tuesday after work. So instead of going for my planned Epic Walk of the Week on Tuesday, I hobbled along to Dr. T's office.
The skilful Dr. T re-aligned me wonderfully, but he warned that it might take a day or so for everything to settle back into place. And he was so right. On Tuesday night it actually hurt more than before, to the point where I was getting a bit worried. But yesterday it lessened off and now I'm just really stiff.
Then there's the guilt associated with receiving gifts. Every year my dear friend gives me a bunch of flowers for my birthday. She's such a sweet lovely person and I don't have the heart to tell her that they give me terrible hayfever. I guess over the course of a year I tend to forget. Every year I take them home, arrange them in a vase, admire them ... and then get sick! This year I thought it might be alright because I didn't get sick straight away. However, sorry to say, last night I came down with the worst case of hayfever I've had in my adult life. (ON MY BIRTHDAY. Just sayin'.) It was so bad that my face was still swollen this morning. I looked in the mirror and had a major freakout session because I didn't look like myself!! I can sometimes be a little bit of a mental hypochondriac, and in the past I've read about people who think the image in the mirror is someone else, who don't recognise themselves, etc. Then I remembered how sick I was last night and realised my face must have still been swollen from that. So, crisis averted. But I still felt like dog's butt.
I'm still not sure it was the flowers, as they'd already been there a few days. It may have been the grass pollens that get released when it rains (thought it didn't rain much last night), which always make me pretty sick. I really don't want to throw away the beautiful flowers, but I think it would be the wisest choice. I feel bad about it.
Husband and I were planning to go out for dinner last night (MY BIRTHDAY, by the way), but I was feeling too tired from staying back late at work and still recovering from my fall. So we decided to have food delivered instead. He chose a different place to the one we normally order from, and it wasn't quite as good, unfortunately. And then I got sick so my head felt it was going to explode and I could barely move. But husband had bought a little Cherry Ripe cheesecake which he put candles on and decorated with Cherry Ripe lovehearts, so that was good!!
And, to be honest, he'd already taken me out for lunch yesterday, so not going out for dinner wasn't quite as disappointing. I just have to keep arguing that with the voice in my head that keeps saying, "you ruined everything!" Oh well, at least it was only my birthday that was ruined this time, with no-one else to be disappointed, not like our anniversary.
And today a few people at work have asked me how my dinner out was, and I have to tell them that it didn't happen without letting on the gory details of how much I suck. It's kinda depressing.
I think I've mentioned before - I don't mind being sick, but I hate being injured. Being sick is forgiveable. Nearly everyone gets a cold, and enough people get hayfever that it's recognisable for what it is. It gives you an excuse to slow down a bit, leave your desk to get that extra cup of tea, snuggle down in your blanky on the couch when you get home from work. But being injured is different. There's no way for the casual observer to know the details. Unless you hobbled around wearing a t-shirt that says, "I was injured due to an unfortunate accident in the course of living a full and happy lifestyle. This limping is temporary and has nothing to do with my weight. I'm not normally like this." That would be more than a little cray-cray.
Putting aside all the worries about what total strangers think of me, I just hate the way that being injured makes me feel. So stiff and sore. So unhealthy, so old and frumpy. I get scared that this time I won't get better. That I'll be like this for the rest of my life. I have nothing better to look forward to. My dreams of bushwalking, urban tramping, being strong and flexible, being able to run are all just stupid, silly dreams.
Despite the warning at the start of this post, it turned out being a lot longer and rantier than I intended. I think it's Silver Lining time -
* Before I started to get really sick last night, I got in the mood to paint my nails. To me it's always a Good Sign when I think well enough of myself that I want to go to the effort to give myself pretty nails. So today I have cheery bright orange nails.
* This morning, after over a week of slacking off, I did my Tai Chi practice. I can still only do the first two moves, but I repeated them enough times to satisfy myself that I remember them.
* I'm no longer in pain after my slip. I'm a bit stiff still, and lowish in energy, but no longer in pain. So yay!
