My Path

12.29pm - Went out to dinner last night with S & B, and it was fabulous! I ate, and drank, and enjoyed. I love that B and I have pretty much the same attitude to the whole weight/body thing - wanting to lose weight, but also wanting to accept ourselves the way we are too. It's a fine balance.

I've been reading the plus size fashion and Body Acceptance blogs that I have in my reader again this morning. I always do when I'm in a certain mood. What mood is that? I'm not sure.

Out of curiosity, I checked my BMI; it's 41.3. Apparently that means I'm Morbidly Obese. I'll bear that in mind when I'm out going for a jog later on. :) (<-- that's a wry smile there!)

I have mixed feelings when I look at these blogs. On the one hand, I love reading about girls who have the same problems as me, the same bodies and the same choices (or lack of). They make me feel more 'normal', and give me hope that I can look stylish and beautiful right now, the way I am. They make me like myself more the way I am now. On the other hand, sometimes I start feeling like my quest to lose weight is less important. Well, if these girls can live fulfilling lives and dress amazingly at the size they are, then why should I go to all the effort of losing weight? They are happy they way they are, so perhaps I should try to be as well? Should I try (again) to change inside instead of changing outside?

Then I get all confused. I want to be like those girls, but I don't at the same time. I can't decide whether reading their blogs is good for me or bad for me. But I keep going back to them whenever I'm looking for a feeling of fitting in, of validation. And yes, I've tried reading blogs of people who write about their weight loss instead, but I just can't relate to them, strangely enough. Probably because I'm always gauging their progress against mine (and I always come out behind!). It made me depressed. I have to admit, I only enjoy reading the ones where the writer seemed to have just as many doubts and setbacks as I do.

Anyway, I'm not really sure what I'm getting at today. I'm in a thoughtful mood. I've thought of more, but I won't write it as I don't want to hurt or insult anyone out there. That's what my paper journal is for. ;)

Here are some of the blogs I enjoy reading:
Plus Fashion:
http://www.leblogdebigbeauty.com/
http://messycarla.blogspot.com/
http://2manycupcakes.blogspot.com/
http://byanika.com/


Body Diversity Acceptance:
http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/
http://corpulent.wordpress.com/ (a bit of both)
http://www.fatlotofgood.org.au/


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